The only time that I visit the cemetery is when I "send off" a dear one and until then, I have not been there eversince.
So yesterday was kind of special, Bubs rode us there at about 5+pm. We kinda got lost for a moment finding the old cemetery where his late mom was at.
My first experience was beyond words.
In my heart, I was like "I finally get to meet you", as I touched her tomb.
Bub's mom passed away when he's at a very young age, around 6. So he didn't really got a real mother's love then(minus the years after where his dad remarried then divorced.)
Chulo(his dad and definitely not his real name), raised him and his brothers single-handedly right after his mom's departure.
We cleaned his mom's grave, recited a few prayers then we went off. I felt the need to visit my Arwah nenek, whom yes, I loved dearly.
She passed away a month before I got engaged. I was distraught, what's worst is that, I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye. She was around 93 years old when she left us. She had dementia, I could vividly remember that she couldn't even recalled who I was when she was staying with us.
Times were tough years back, my second sis gave up her job to nurse my frail late-grandmother. She's the best thing that ever happened to me. She raised me up, she was mimicking a mother's love despite me still having a mom. She cooked/cleaned the house, sent us to school.
I could still remember she sent us to kindagarten, we were excited and late for school. She had to keep us with us that she tripped and fell, her palms were all bloody. That was the first time, I knew the feeling of hurt eventhough I didn't fell. She was still old when we were that young.
Oh and there's this one time, my second sis and I went to the void deck mama shop with her. She made all the purchases already but we were too engrossed with alot of things, she totally forgot about us. Yeah, I cried cos' I was lost. I have no idea how I got back home(I was like 5-6yrs old?), Arwah nenek cried cos' she couldn't find us.
I could also still remember how her voice would sound like, how naggy she gets sometimes and also how she preached about religion. I have seen her cried and my heart broke every single time when I feel that I've hurt her.
As we grew older, my relationship with Arwah distant. I was busy chasing the world while I totally forgot that she's ageing also.
Nenek, you still hold that place in my heart so dearly. I will never forget to tell my children and grandchildren how you're one of the women I look up to in my life. Forever will be in my prayers. May Allah watch over you.
I love u, nenek. :'(
Okay sorry, I got carried on. I was elated that we managed to find her grave. I felt a sense of relieve. We cleaned her grave and recited her prayers. I was pouring as I touched her tombstone. My heartbroke once more, I was back to being devastated but I knew segala manusia hamba Allah akan hidup dan mati.
I knew I have done my part. I have never forgotten about her. She meant alot to me.
We head back to Yishun to break our fast right after. I didn't managed to visit my paternal grandparent's grave due to pressed for time as it was getting dark. One day, I will.
Till then,
xoxo.
